The Virtual Lawyer - The Millenium Shrug

Posted September 1 1998

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"We've got a problem. It may be the biggest problem that the modern world has ever faced. I think it is." So states Gary North, survivalist and apocalyptic crank, about the so-called Year 2000 "millennium bug." While societal paranoids are busy stocking up on food, water and guns (seewww.insidetheweb.com/messageboard/mbs.cgi?acct=mb105468), some of our betters in government are positively hyperventilating about the subject. In a June senate hearing, Utah Sen. Robert Bennet asked a Pentagon official what plans are afoot "in the event of a Y2K-induced breakdown of community services that might call for martial law." Sen. Bennett, you should know, is running for reelection. My fellow lawyers, demonstrating the fine art of dollar dementia, are busily planning for what (they hope) will be the litigation bonanza of this or any other century. Practically every law firm worth its spit these days is forming a "Year-2000 practice group" or some such humbug, to prepare for the expected windfall. Perhaps they could all hire Gary North as their consultant.

Take A Few Deep Breaths

Don't get me wrong. Some legacy systems have date-rollover problems. This phenomenon is particularly common in mini and mainframe systems running code that has been around since dinosaurs ruled the earth, which, to hear some of the pierced punk programmers tell it, was only about twenty-five years ago. When most of this code was written, nobody in his or her right mind, including Amazing Grace Hopper, ever figured that we'd be using the same kludge today. In the fog of dire predictions, however, it is beginning to appear that our carriages will not all turn into pumpkins after we finish up "Auld Lang Syne" on December 31, 1999. Blackouts and such, if they occur at all, will probably be short-lived. Even electric utilities, with embedded-code problems, are speeding repairs by sharing their findings through an information clearinghouse established by the Electrical Power Research Institute. After all, power outages and equipment failures commonly occur, and Y2K is not like a random failure, which cannot be foreseen. Rather, it will require planned workarounds, which can be manually implemented. While we may have to live with some annoyances and confusion, apocalypse is probably not just around the corner.

Pardon My Cynicism

When I hear the most hysterical predictions, I always wonder what's the angle. While there are legions of Y2K consultants assembling, their tasks are legitimate. There is work to be done, after all, and the COBOL brigade must do it. Politicians and lawyers are a different story, however. When politicians publicly discuss martial law and propose exquisitely silly regulations, you can be sure an election is just around the corner and the publicity machines are cranking up to full speed. If dopey politicians can grab a headline or two and dazzle the uninformed with their prescience, what's wrong with a little public agitation along the way? With lawyers it's a little different -- fattening up the book of business has always been the name of the game. Hell, I admit it. I like to make a buck as much as the next lawyer. There is a fine line, however, that must not be crossed.

Can You Say Barratry?

Have you ever noticed that lawyers discussing Y2K do not discuss legal issues? Rather, they tend to regurgitate third-hand apocalyptic scenarios picked up from people who should know better. This is because there are no novel legal issues to come out of the millennium "crisis." Any resulting litigation will undoubtedly follow a timeworn, prosaic analysis based on the law of negligence or contract. Apart from the fact that damages flow from computer malfunctions (which have certainly happened before), Y2K lawsuits will have all the legal novelty of a dog-bite case. Most lawyerly discussions, therefore, involve plowing fear's fertile field. If agitation runs high enough, then there is that much more opportunity for profit. Emotion, you see, always sells.

Once upon a time, there used to be an offense called barratry. Barratry, in its simplest form, is stirring up controversies that may produce a profitable lawsuit or three. Abraham Lincoln, discussing the lawyer's role as a peacemaker, warned aspiring attorneys not to excite passions for profit:

• "Never stir up litigation. A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this. Who can be more nearly a fiend than he who habitually overhauls the register of deeds, in search of defects in titles, whereon to stir up strife, and put money in his pocket? A moral tone ought to be infused into the profession, which should drive such men out of it."

In the end, we will all survive the year 2000. We will not have to buy guns, hoard food or repair to the hills. Nor should we be scared half to death for someone else's position or profit.

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